A List of Things David Should Not Have Said at Fair Bean Coffee

When you called me immature
because I don’t pick up after myself,
you should’ve thought twice— because
you sound like my mother and no one
wants to make out with their mother.

Or you shouldn’t have told me that my hair
would look better a few shades lighter—
because what is that line of bull we are
taught as children about liking people the way
they are or for who they are or whatever?

And maybe telling me that I should
get out of debt was completely unnecessary.
Because, at thirty-five, I am pretty sure
I am very aware of all of the bad things
that can and will result from a poor credit score.

Also, explaining to me for the hundredth time
the ways in which I am ruining my hair:
blow-drying (which I don’t even do),
washing daily (which I don’t even do),
not conditioning every day, touching it, etc…
is perhaps not the best way to begin brunch.

And you totally should not have exclaimed,
“whoa that’s a lot of sugar,” as I scooped
spoonfuls into my coffee, passing judgment
on my sugaring habits. Because, despite
what you think, “whoa,” implies judgment
and is not simply an observation.